Logan's Apologies
by GreysRookieOncer
Summary: This is a collection of times Logan apologizes to Lily. To keep some mystery I won't say what he apologizes for here. This is not a Logan/Lily Love Story. Lily was Logan's first love and close friend. This is a LoVe story with Lily/Logan friendship.
1. Chapter 1

Logan's Apologies

This story is about Logan apologizing to Lily after her death. It will be 4 chapters possibly. Each chapter will be stand alone. The chapters will follow what happened on the series. I always felt that Logan had a tough exterior but was just as much a marshmallow underneath as Veronica. I also believe that he loved Lily so much that he would always feel close to her as she is his first love. I also believe that Lily knew who Veronica could be and would be one day as well as that Logan always loved Veronica. I feel like she wasn't threatened by Veronica because Logan wouldn't want to "ruin" Veronica but when she became her true self he saw his soul mate.

Well enough of that, I do not own Veronica Mars (if I did we would have our much wanted movie). I only own these words to this story. Also I know this is a new story but I promise I will get back to my older stories when I find my old notebook. Now on with the story:

Logan Apologizes to Lily Season 1:

Logan left Veronica's feeling defeated. She was raped and part of it was his fault. He brought the drugs to the party; he let people do salt licks off of her. What kind of person does that? He only hoped that one day, when she realized he hadn't meant her any harm, she would let him apologize. But first he had someone else that he needed to apologize to; and they wouldn't have a chance to stop him.

When he arrived at the cemetery he remembered Lily's burial and almost ran away at the memory. But as quickly as the thought came he remembered his promise to Lily.

FLASHBACK

"Logan, I know you are Duncan's friend but I need you to help me look out for Veronica. She's innocent and she needs us" Lily said as they lay next to each other on her bed.

"Of course I will" replied Logan.

"I know you love her" said Lily.

"As much as I do any of my friends" Logan quickly replied.

"Well then promise me" said Lily as she turned to face him.

He shifted to face her as she continued "she needs you just as much as she needs me."

"I promise I'll protect Veronica from anything and everything that could hurt her" Logan replied. Lily kissed him as the memory faded.

END FLASHBACK

He stopped in front of Lily's grave and knelt down. Her stone read Lily Kane Beloved Daughter, Sister, and Friend.

"I'm so sorry Lily" Logan started. "I didn't know I really thought I was doing what was best. I mean she sided with her dad against your family. I didn't know that me turning against her would cause her to be raped. I should've been better" Logan continued as tears came to his eyes and began slowly falling down his face.

"I could've protected her, taker her home from the party. I love her, I've always loved her. You know that, you've always known that. It's why you asked me what I thought about her the first time I saw her at Prom. I hurt her when all I want to do is protect her. I broke my promise to you. Why do I hurt the ones I love? You, my mom, Veronica – I'm not meant to be happy, am I" he said.

"I promise you this will be the last time I break that promise to you. I will protect her always from this day on. I'm so sorry Lily, please make it better. Let her figure this out and forgive me. I'll protect her like I should've so long ago" he wiped his eyes as he finished.

He laid a small bouquet of flowers that were in his hand in front of her headstone. He walked to his car where a bottle of Jack was waiting to wash away his sorrows.


	2. Chapter 2

Logan's Apologies

This chapter update is dedicated to Dani who was my first and only review since returning to writing. Thanks Dani I hope you like this chapter, it took on a mind of its own.

**The Second Time:**

He was wracked with guilt. He knew it was her fault that her killed walked free. He knew his dad got away with murder because he destroyed the tapes. It had been a day since the verdict came in and today was his high school graduation. He was remorseful for letting her murderer get off, angry at his father for fooling the jury and for robbing Lily of her high school graduation. He really thought he was protecting Lily. All Veronica's hard work down the drain and for nothing but hurt to both of them.

He couldn't wait until graduation. He knew Veronica would look as beautiful as ever and he couldn't wait to see her. He hoped she'd come to the graduation party he was having. He wanted to apologize to her for the events of Alterna-Prom. It was just his luck that he would be drunk when he had the guts to pour his heart out to her and further his luck he'd be too drunk to remember and spend the night with Kendall. He loved Veronica but he screwed up yet again.

As Veronica received her diploma, applause and cheers, he could only smile sadly. He was proud of her – she finished second in the class when she had so much to deal with the past few years. As he set-up for the party he could only promise himself he would talk to Veronica tonight, if she came, sober. He wouldn't have a drink until they talked.

As he saved her on the roof, he could only feel responsible. He had broken his promise to Lily once again. Veronica really was raped and in some way it was his fault. He had hurt the only 2 women he had ever romantically loved. He couldn't seem to quit hurting Veronica or so he thought.

As he left the Mars household he had one destination in mind – The Neptune Grand. He started with one drink as he began to think of the previous night's events. His father had been murdered, sure the official report was suicide but Logan knew better. If Logan thought he could've been a murderer he'd have done it himself. Sure he wanted his father dead, for what he had done to Lily as well as Veronica, but unless he was in the moment he was sure he couldn't have done it. He was ready to kill Beaver for raping Veronica, supposedly killing her father and almost killing Veronica twice; but then he stopped Veronica from killing Beaver. So maybe he wasn't a killer either.

He should've felt relief that Beaver, no Cassidy jumped off the roof and kept him from having to do something he would regret – if only because of Dick. But instead he felt guilty. Beaver was just a confused, hurt and scared kid. He was Logan's friend. He took Logan's side against the PCHers and never thought against it. Logan blamed himself, he was a victim of abuse at the hands of his father after all. Shouldn't he had seen that Beaver was a victim of abuse too, was he really that self-absorbed.

He couldn't help but feel that he was the cause of all the pain in Neptune. If he hadn't come to town Lily would've never met Aaron, so she would've never had been murdered. Veronica and Duncan still probably wouldn't have been together since Duncan thought they were related. Lily would've graduated. Meg would still be alive since she'd have been in the limo. Maybe she and Duncan would be together raising their daughter. Veronica most definitely wouldn't have been raped and wouldn't have to have the tough exterior.

As he became more intoxicated he realized there was someplace he'd have to be in the morning. He owed Lily an apology not just for Veronica but also for letting Lily's murderer walk free.

The next day he approached Lily's grave this time he didn't hesitate, he knew this was what he needed to do. He placed the lilies in his left hand in front of her headstone and knelt before them.

"I messed up Lily. I really thought I was protecting you" Logan started. "I thought that he would still be found guilty if I watched the tapes and testified. I was wrong and I'm so sorry. You can rest in peace now though someone got justice for you" Logan said unaware he had a very alive audience.

"I am so sorry but I broke my promise again. I really thought I'd get it right this time. I saved her from the Fitzpatrick's and I thought I was doing well. I messed up thought – she really was raped and by Beaver no less. She actually thought he killed her dad. Luckily he didn't but she had to deal with that pain no less. I couldn't protect her from that. Her dad is the best of out of all of our parents – I can't imagine what she was going through. I'm an orphan but at least I know my dad can no longer hurt anyone. The closest I've felt to that was when my mom jumped off the bridge. I loved my mom but it wasn't nearly like Veronica and her dad. But I still didn't protect her like I should've. What if I had been late to the roof? What if we had lost her? I'm so sorry Lily – I'll do better. I promise." Logan cried.

"But you weren't late" Veronica spoke up alerting Logan to her presence. "You were right on time, you were there to save me from taking Beavers life. You were there for me when I thought my dad was gone even though you had lost your dad. You protected me from Liam, Beaver and way back when that crazy ATF guy. You didn't break whatever promise you made Lily because I'm okay. You aren't to blame for my rape and you did protect me as much as I let you" she said kneeling in front of him.

"But I did Veronica. I failed boy you and Lily" Logan said through tears as he tried to wipe them away quickly. "No you didn't Logan" Veronica started then began addressing Lily's grave as she took one of Logan's hands in hers "how could you make him promise something so impossible. You were wild and had your own mind. You always knew I wasn't pink but instead strapless red satin. How could you make him promise that when you knew that about me?" Veronica said.

"Can we try again" Logan asked Veronica "can you ever forgive me for hurting you, not protecting you and for Alterna-Prom." "Logan you rescued me on that roof – you're forgiven. You are always saving me, you are always there for me when I really need you. We can try again but I want to go slow" Veronica answered.

He kissed her much like their first kiss. When she pulled away she smiled. "Bye Lily" Veronica said as she pulled Logan up and they began to walk away. Logan looked back at the tombstone and whispered "I promise."

**Note: I believe that there is no way Logan and Veronica would be kissing on each other, without talking at least a little bit, in the Season 2 finale. When Veronica says they need to talk I don't think she means THE TALK. In my mind this would've happened before that part and the talk would've been longer. I do have a companion to this part in mind about why Veronica was at Lily's grave and why she left her dad the next day after learning he is alive. It is not written but if you would like to read that I will write it after finishing the next two chapters of this story. **

**On another note my other stories will be update as soon as I find my old notebooks, I did find some of the notes I wrote so that is a start once I find the chapters then you'll have an update until that time you will be reading new stuff. I hope you enjoy it. **


	3. Chapter 3

Logan's Apologies

Disclaimer: I do not own Veronica Mars; if I did we would have the movie we deserve that would end with Veronica & Logan being together and happy in addition to Mac & Dick happy together.

Authors Note 1: So I have gone back and forth about uploading this chapter, I don't feel that it is the same caliber as the past two. In addition to that I may upload a changed version of it, if I feel like I can get a better handle on that. Although since I haven't in a week and I don't want to leave you all hanging for two long I am posting this now. Also thank you to my sole reviewer Dani and also if you have added me as author to follow thank you as well. Please keep reading as I post as much as possible.

**The Third Time:**

When Logan left the police station he shook his head baffled that Don Lamb let him off with merely a fine. He knew he was stupid to have taken a bat to a cop car but he needed Mercer to pay. He used Logan and then attacked Veronica. Logan couldn't believe he hurt her again, first by helping Mercer get off and second by breaking up with her.

He should've been there to help her instead of rushing off to find some girl he didn't even know. It was as if his car drove itself to the cemetery he thought as he arrived in the familiar row of plots. He hadn't consciously driven to visit Lily this time but he knew this is where he needed to be. He had to pay his penance to Lily; it was becoming too regular an occurrence for his taste though.

As he knelt in front of her headstone he took a deep breath and collected his thoughts.

"I'm sorry Lily, no flowers today" he began. "I wasn't even paying attention to where I was driving. Next time I'll bring you two bouquets. Because let's face it when it comes to Veronica I'll never finish apologizing. I'm so sorry Lily; it wasn't supposed to happen again. We were happy but I screwed it up. I couldn't clean up my act and then I couldn't give up being the strong one" he said shaking his head ashamed of himself.

"I think I let my promise to you cloud my point of view of who Veronica is now. She isn't defenseless. No if anything she's resourceful, brave, fearless and just a little bit afraid. Not afraid like she used to be, no now she is afraid losing the life she has created since we lost you" he continued with a hint of a proud smile on his face as he thought of the woman he was madly in love with.

"I once again wasn't there to protect her. First at Shelley's party, then when she found out my dad killed you, not when the bus crash happened, not even when she thought Cassidy killed her father and attacked her, nor when she learned he had raped her. I am never there when she needs me to be, not for the big things anyway. It was once again my fault that she was in this situation; I gave that bastard Mercer an alibi. So how do I get repaid for that great judgment call, he and that Moe guy attacked her" he said as he wiped a tear that had escaped out of the side of his eye, as he remembered all the hell Veronica had been through in just a few short years.

"Guess how she got away though?" he asked as though Lily was going to answer him. After a brief pause he began again smiling like the cat that ate the canary "A rape whistle. No I'm serious our girl got a rape whistle from her friend Parker. Isn't that great? I told you she's resourceful. She was drugged and didn't have her phone but she had a rape whistle."

He smiled sadly at the headstone as if smiling at his Lily "I couldn't protect her but you did. I know you are watching over her and helping. Thanks for that Lily, you always were there for the big things when I needed you. I'm an idiot though. I broke up with her and she got hurt again" Logan rambled.

"That's the problem isn't it, when we were together I could protect her. Every time we have broken up is when she gets hurt" Logan continued with renewed clarity. "I'm sorry Lily. I really wish there was a better way to say it but I truly am" Logan declared.

"I am going to once again renew my promise to you. I will protect Veronica no matter what the cost, no matter if we are broken up or together. She is mine to protect and I vow now to you and the forces above whatever they may be that I, Logan Echolls will protect Veronica with all that I am" Logan declared as he stood up with a renewed purpose. He kissed his fingertips and laid them gently on the headstone. "Goodbye Lily, keep an eye on our girl" he said before walking away.

He wasn't going to rush back to Veronica right now but he would keep an eye out, she was the love of his life and he knew they'd find their way back to one another when she was ready to forgive his stupid act of breaking up with her.


End file.
